Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Pretty sure it doesn't count, right?

If you slip and your needles accidentally cast on a hat. I figure accidents dhoukdnt count. Especially since I finished one blanket, and frogged a shawl. Frogging is kindof cheating, and I understand that.. but since I forgot to mention the shawl, I figure it kind of even out. I really don't have a choice in this casting on though. The amazing hub decided he needs a Christmas hat. A knight hat, with face mask to be specific. Considering that I didn't get him a single thibg for Christmas, I figure I better start knitting the hat. I am calking an emergency knit day for home school, which means I will put on educational television while I knit. I feel OK about this. Knitting is the important thing, right? Who needs an education? Pictures to come soon. Shhh, don't tell the hubby. It is a surprise, and he won't have a clue since he doesn't read my blog.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Just like molasses

that is how the knitting is coming along. It is easy to lose motivation around the holidays when there are so many things to do, and life is so busy. And you can't catch anything new on.I have yet to bind of a single project. I have met a few rows on one blanket and if you on the other. That is about it. I really need to cast on a pair of socks and a chemo cap. Of course I swore I wouldn't cast anything more on until I finish these projects. Do I stick to that? Or maybe I spend note time knitting to speed things up a bit. My business goes gang busters this time of year, so that is where my time is going. I love my business, and its busyness. That makes me happy as well. I shipped out 5 orders yesterday, four the day before, had four more cone in last night, and a handful of others that I am still working on. Life is good. I started a fodder growing experiment for the girls. I figure that with 15 does my total goat weight is about 2,000 pounds. Each goat needs 1% fodder growth to maintain their weight, and 3% if they are a working animal. For my girls that means close to 10 pounds of seed per day. Each pound of seed produces about 6-8 pounds of fodder. It is a good thing I am a knitter. That math may have overwhelmed me if I was an ordinary human or something. This isn't the time to tell me my math is wrong, either. see... like my knitting projects, I will notice the error as time goes on. But I do think it is correct, and the girls should be happy... or they would be if I could get the fodder to grow. Everyone said it was fool proof. They apparently didn't realise that fool can be taken to a whole new level in my world. That, and a fully brown thumb, and the fiddler is going slowly. It is growing, but it is supposed to be ready to feed by day seven, and here we are in day four and it has sprouted a little... there are some roots, but no agrees growth. I am sprouting wheat, kidney beans, and lentils. Here is hoping for miracle growth the next few days.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The decision has been made

I have decided that I will finish every. Single. Project that is currently on the needles, before I cast anything new on. Except a pair of socks, maybe. In my head the reasoning is sound. We have a new yarn store, you see. And that new yarn store carries needles. You see where I am going with this? No? Oh. Well in my mind, if I get everything off of the needles, and I put all of those needles into my needle case, I will be able to see what I have, and what I am lacking. I could do this by simply looking at what I have, or making a list, but I like the nice, tidy idea of having it all clean and n Organized with everything finished up. A good way to ring in the new year. So what do I have to finish? Not much, since I keep the cast on bug pretty well at bay most times. There is this blanket
Which will be finished with one more ball. And two sweaters, one of which has been on the needles for three years, and a sock. Oh, and another blanket with three skeins left. I can totally do this in three weeks time. Right? I have had a couple things come off of the needles.
For a neighbors new grand baby. And this:
For the amazing button ladies new family member. I traded for a yarn bowl. *squee* I am sure I can do this. Really. No problemo. All I have to do is knit. Full time. Like a mad woman. With no children, bisiness, or life. Totally doable. Especially since tonight is the first weekly knit night at our new LYS!!! I am ridiculously excited. Hours of uninterrupted knitting time. All for me!!!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

It hates me, but I love it!

The red sweater below? The one I had to frog? You know, that sweater. Yeah, it hates me. First it decided to be too small for a growing boy. No big deal, I love to knit. Knitting this yarn a couple of times is a pleasure. But then??? It hid the last ball of yarn from me. It waited until I had finished a ball of yarn, and was ready foe the very last one, and you know what it did? It totally his that ball. I spent days searching for it, tearing the house apart. Looking in the fridge, under the beds, in the large scary closet. You never know where a nearly finished sweater that hates you will hide that ball of yarn. And you know where I found it?? Right where I put it. I put it on the shelf, in my stash. I knew where I had put it, and had looked there at least fifty times and it was not there. I swear. I know what happened though. The sweater put the dang thing back when I wasn't looking! He is a sneaky one. I bet he just laughed, and laughed, and laughed! I thought we had come to an understanding after that. That we had come to an agreement. I could love him fully, with all my heart. He would put up with my tender touch because no one wants to live e without sleeves when it will be 20 below soon. So he allowed me to cast his sleeve on. We worked well together, in a soft, easy relationship...... for two rounds. Then you know what he did? He broke my size seven Chiaogoo!! Can you believe the nerve? I think he and the cozy Cardigan have been exchanging letters on how to best destroy my knitting joys. But I have them beat! (Shh, don't tell them I said that!) I have a secret weapon. My bff buff, level 7. She came dancing in, in her cape and tights, with a new size seven. And I knit. I knit, and knit. And I am determined to win. This will become a wearable sweater.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


Done right.
Happiness sometimes comes in a bowl.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

On the road again

We are headed back to Primary Children's again today, on account of some blood work that came back scary. We are there weekly right now. I can't say that I mind the time away. I wish that it wasn't because things with my son are so bad, but still, I don't mind the time away at all. I enjoy the many hours in the car with my little boy. We don't get near enough time alone together. We talk, and listen to books. He plays on his kindle. Then after the Dr we always go have lunch together. We generally visit a yarn store, which I would like to pretend is for him. It totally isn't, though he enjoys it too. He likes to pick out yarn so that I can make him something. He is a big fan of hand knits. Today while we are away I will be working on the sweater for him out of the yarn he chose while we were there last week. It is another simple, top down out of my own brain. I knit it once, and it didn't leave any growing room. Unfortunately he insist on doing a good amount of growing, so I frogged, and started again. I must say that I am very pleased this time. Very pleased indeed. Except that this bigger size uses more yarn. Yarn which I didn't buy, because I didn't intend to use it. I suppose it is a good thing we are headed back today.
See? A bit snug.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

A teacher is also a student

As I sit and ponder the problems I am having with my very special child I was prompted to read a talk from LDS General conference. It is a talk by David M Mcconkie titled "Teaching with the Power and Authority of God.". I had no intentions of reading it this morning. I had already done my scripture study, and was ready to plunge into the rest of my day. I had the prompting to swipe over and read the next talk. I know the talk is about teaching classes in church, but it is also about teaching as a mother. It is about feeling the spirit, and choosing to be OK. Does this make everything clear? Not even close. Will it change me, and I will become the perfect teacher? Nope. Will it tweek me just a tad and make me the perfect teacher for THIS child? Some days maybe. And for now? That is enough. Hand it over to God. He's got this. That is a line I wrote while in tears after a church lesson a few weeks ago. Easier said than done. I am trying, and that's the best we can get.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A little to real

If you aren't ready for a long, very real post with no humor, turn away now. Today is too much. Today I want to start walking, and just keep walking. I am the mother to a special needs child. There it is. I said it. I am the mother to a very special little boy. This little boy has my whole heart. This little boy is very loving, kind, and sweet. This little boy is very scary, violent, explosive, and difficult. Today this child is more in the second category than the first. Today is a hard day. A very honest, hard, soul searching, soul wrenching day. Today I am suffering. Suffering from guilt. Suffering from confusion. Suffering from want. Suffering from loss. Today is a raw day. I have many raw days, but they generally are not as openly raw as today. Today it is very clear that my son is not ok, and that he isn't ever going to be ok. Today is a day of questioning myself. Questioning my every move as a parent. Can I give the very special little boy that I have been blessed with all that he needs? Would he be better if I allowed him to be distanced from me, and put into a more government run system? You see, I have chosen to be this childs mother. Yes, I chose it before I cam here to Earth, but I am talking more about my choices here. I have chosen this child. I have chosen to be his mother full time. I have chosen to keep him home and give him the very best of me. I have kept him home to educate him. I have kept him home to protect him from the cruelty of the world. I am a home schooling mother. I kept him home because I felt like I had more to offer him than he could get in a government run public school, underfunded and over worked. I kept him home because I felt like I had more to offer by giving him the one on one education this special child of mine needs. So why do I find myself questioning my every move? Why did I chose this very hard path? Am I doing a good enough job? Am I really enough? Could he get more from someone else?? Today is hard. Today he has cried. Today his heart has broken over and over for no reason anyone outside of his head can see. Today I question myself. Did I do this to him? Did I sleep to much or not enough during pregnancy? Did the medication I took for hypernemesis cause this? Did I harm my child? Did he chose this body, knowing its imperfections? Did he chose me as his mother because I can do hard things? Am I failing him? Can I really do things this hard? Who will this child be? What is meant for his life? Am I able to be the mother he needs? How? How do I keep breathing through these very raw days. Days of realization. Days of raw realization. Days that tell me that this road is not a paved one. Today I am surrounded by love. Today I have an eternal family. Today I feel alone.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

The moment

When you realise the project you are knitting straight from your brain, with no pattern in mind, adding stitches and taking them away wherever you decide
Is turning out perfect, even if the pictures don't? The definition of bliss.

Monday, October 21, 2013

I need more

I love finishing a project, and thinking "I want more!" That is how this project is for me. I am really loving the remix, and I confident that my baby needs a sweater. He thinks so too. He has been watching me knit this baby jumper and saying "Make one for me?" So I shall. For now though? I love the way this feels.
And of course, I am loving these buttons.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Remix, an adorable pattern, a Mountain Dew
And super cute, very perfect buttons. This is happiness.

Monday, October 14, 2013

And onto this

Blue Remix that I ordered from Knittin' Pretty in Utah. I am so excited to start knitting a baby something or another with this amazingly soft yarn. I really love it b I hope I feel the same in a week. Now to ravelry to search for the perfect, not cardigan pattern. I bet a cardigan will ninja me.
I finished the Cosy Cardigan. Real pictures once it is finishes blocking, and gets its freaking adorable, custom made for it buttons attached.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


That is the number of size eight needles I have broken recently. That number means that I am on my last pair of size eights. It just so happens that this brand of size eight is a little bigger than the average size eight. I have already frogged this sleeve four times. It still doesn't look right. I will finish this cardigan. Needles be darned. Plus who the heck breaks needles this quickly? One pair of signatures, one chiagoo, and one knitters pride, so it isn't like I can blame the brand. Now I am using Addi's. I am not a huge fan. I think maybe a need a massage so that I am not so tense. It just so happens that this week is pack meeting week. In my family that equals something close to "will this be the month we have to call the nice men in the clean white suits" week. My house is a mess. My family is hungry, and apparently I take it out on the innocent... like my believed needles. But this weekend? This weekend is trailing of the sheep. I can hold onto my sanity long enough to get me there. I am also fairly certain that this post is the most rambly post I have ever written. I best go finish this awkward sleeve.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Another cute cardigan

I am rather enjoying this knit, even if it isn't one that I look at and fall in love. The patters is very simple, but just complicated enough to keep it interesting. What knitter doesn't love that?? The stitch pattern is what keeps is interesting. I rather adore it.
How cool is that???? Cosy Basket Cardigan

Friday, September 27, 2013

A soft gown for a sweet angel

I can't express my thoughts and feelings. There are not words. It has been such an honor to be chosen to knit a sleeping gown, and a burial gown for such an amazing spirit. One that was much to strong for this world, so will be born still. The ache in my heart for my dear friend is so tangible I could touch it. She labors now. It won't be long before she brings this beautiful, perfect baby girl into the world. Her heart and soul will shatter as she returns her daughter back to the arms of her Mother Earth. She will heal physically, but her heart will never be fully whole again. Her arms will be burdened with emptiness. I have felt pain of my own through the loss of my 12 angels, but I have never experienced a loss so great. A living Christ hears her cries and feels her anguish. He has felt this exact pain. He is the only one to turn to that truly understands.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

And of course the buttons must be perfect

For that perfect little newborn dress. And these ones are.
Paula at PK's Design does all of my buttons for me. She sees my dreams. I give her a piece of yarn, and poorly explain my vision, and somehow she gets it perfect every. Single. Time. She hand makes each of these little buttons from Poly clay... or something like that. Whatever it is, she is amazing at it. 801-641-7534 Delicious.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

In love with this knit

It is rare that I really LOVE a finished knit. I like some OK, and I dislike a lot, but not very often is there a knit that turns out just exactly like I pictured it. This knit? It is just exactly like it should be. Delicate and perfect. And I don't have to block it.

Monday, September 16, 2013

The thing about a good knit

Is that the dog will always lay on it while it is blocking. But it is buttoned and blocked!!! Look at those buttons!!!! Look at the detail on the headband button!! *squee* Little hearts!! But the newest knit, this is where it is. This knit embraces everything that I feel for this baby girl. It talks about how soft and sweet she is, and how lovely it will be to hold her, and see her sweet face. It speaks of softness, tenderness, and love. The knit is delicate, and complicated. It is beautiful, and colorful. It shines, and nearly glows. I dream of this angel girl in my heart daily. She is a special little thing, and this world will be so much brighter with her in it. She has a special place here, and has a very special work to do. I love you baby girl. I hope you understand some day how every stitch is full of love, and joy. I can't wait to meet you. Of course I also just happen to be dreaming of the next knit for her. Something in blue remix. Yum.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Have I mentioned that I hate blocking?

Well I do. In all honesty, I usually wear a fresh knit unblocked until it needs to be washed. No shame in that, right? But with these buttons blocking is a happier thing: I have grown very in love with custom made buttons from Paula at PK Designs. I give her a sample of the yarn, and tell her the story of the piece I am knitting. She comes up with perfect every single time. Look at those little hearts!!! She hand makes each button from clay. I am so smitten.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The great hair accident of 2013

My zombie look: post accident. My fifth element look: post first fix attempt. My a little brassy, but closer to me look: post fix. Let this be a lesson to you my friends. Leave the professional things to the professional.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Will you knit for me? (A title from every knitting blog ever)

Do you see it?? The beautiful WIP? Tell me this worked. My fingers are crossed. It worked! That is "Hey Teach!" In other knitting news, I frogged the baby dress I am making. I was knitting, and knitting, and thinking "this yarn really sucks. The color is lovely for an amazingly special little girl, but this yarn is itchy, and not at all nice." And then I became ADD and was stocking a blog I love. She had not blogged in ages, so I had not checked in weeks... sure enough she was blogging again. And you know what she said? She doesn't love this yarn. She just happened to mention on her blog that she has no love foe this yarn. It just so happens that this blogger is my hero, and it also just so happens that the item being knit is another item for the small human she is currently making. So I frogged, thankful for her opinion as I pulled each stitch. It really is that bad. Wool of the Andes, you I do not love. This all bring me to my final thought of the day. No, I don't usually knit for other people. They don't appreciate the time and money that goes into my awesomeness. I will knit for another knitter though. They know. Yes, they know. So please do not take offense to me not knitting for you. I would love to teach you to knit, but until you have been there it is hard to really appreciate what goes into a hand knit item. They are that amazing.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

What pictures?

I will eventually get pictures up. What good is a knitting blog with no pictures?? But every time I try to upload one I get an error. Silly blogger. For now you will just have to imagine the perfect little red baby Cardigan with matching headband and custom made (by pk designs) buttons. You will also have to imagine the back and half of the front of "Hey Teach" that I am knotting in a beautiful rust color. It is a delicious pattern, and a delicious yarn. (Simply soft cotton from knitpicks, which I am a bit addicted to) In other news, I dyed my hair this week. That in itself is not to interesting. What is interesting is how it happened. My daughter decided she wanted to do something different and color her hair a dark purple color. Good enough. I have had many colors in my life time. So we went to the beauty supply, and she picked out her shade, and I decided that while I was there I might as well get my usual red brown color. We came home and I put her color on. Then I put my color on. Then I rinsed her. Her hair was a lovely shade of red brown, which we both loved. Hmmmm.... Then I rinsed me. Goth girl all the way. My hair was black with bright purple highlights. Not the best look for a 30 something mother of five. Not a food look indeed. I washed and washed, hoping to make it lighten. It didn't. I then send an urgent text to my hair angel, Netti. I usually never touch my own hair. Really. My dear Netti was able to get me in. She looked awhile. She said "oh my" a lot. She played with it awhile, saying "hmm." Then said there was nothing to do but bleach it out and color over the orange. My poor hair. So we bleached. And bleached. And I became a glorious fifth element shade of orange. Then Dear Netti colored it and it became red. It is much more me, and I am thankful for red. Black and I don't get along so well.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Phone blogging

While in the shower. That's how I roll, or at least how I roll today. First, how on earth is it fall again? I have a week until the official start of school, and I am still 100% undecided on curriculum. I am really feeling lost this year. I know what I want to focus on, just not exactly how I want to do it. My third child has a very different learning style, and he has this momma stumped. He wants to learn, and is eager, but nothing seems to be sticking. I love this dear kid. I am very excited to announce that I get to start baby knits!! A dear friend took one for the team. Thanks for that Buddy. I appreciate your willingness to do the whole morning sickness, and getting beautifully yet uncomfortably round for me. Because I know she did this simply for my knitting pleasure. I plan to start with a cardigan in cotton, then move to a sweet little dress... still in cotton. She lives in a place that is a couple degrees above hell. I am pretty sure that means a lot of cotton, with a little alpaca thrown in for sanity. Of course that doesn't mean I won't be knitting a Cardigan on the side for myself. These cardigans... get me..every. single. Time.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Cardigans are evil

The title says it all. They are evil, sneaky little buggers. Here I am, spending some quality time with my friend looking for a nice pull over sweater to get me through the next few weeks. I am staying focused, and really working hard at finding a lil' something, maybe with some cables. not the breast enhancing cables, but the "I knit this without falling asleep once" cables. Peak here, peak there and WHACK... A ninja cardigan jumps in and makes me want it. A "Right this very second, I have to have it now or I won't live another minute" kind of want. It is wrong, ad they are evil. Just leave me alone beautiful cardigan. I am loyal to this sweater. We were meant to be, if only I could locate it. I suppose it is for the best that we don't mention the lonely man sweater sitting unfinished on my bed upstairs. I suppose that maybe this cardigan knows what I truly need.