Thursday, January 29, 2015

Sometimes a picture can speak a thousand words

And sometimes not a single one of those thousand can be spoken aloud, lest the small children repeat them. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

The farm life. At therapy.

I crossed my legs at my sons occupational therapy appointment today. This is what I saw:
The farm chores are done.

Monday, January 26, 2015

This is my son

This is my son.

My precious little boy. 

I would give my life for this little boy. He is my everything, and you know what? I am doing the best I can at being his mom. I am making hard decisions on his behalf every single day. Being the mom to a sick child is not easy. I am constantly fighting for what I believe is best for him. 

And you know what else? Even though many people and groups claim to be arguing on my behalf, they are wrong. I am that mom. My child is that kid. The one that needs everyone else to be vaccinated. The one that relies on herd immunity. My son has a very damaged immune system.  He does not make titers, so has no immunity to the things commonly vaxed for. 
There is a huge "anti VAX" movement, and right now they are being attacked, many claiming on the behalf of people like my son. 
I have something to say on that. 

I support you. I support the mother that doesn't VAX. I support the mother that does VAX. I support every single one of you that has followed blindly, or has reaserched until she can research no more. As moms, we are doing our very best. We are fighting the good fight, and we are doing our best. We are following our hearts, and saying our prayers ( or whatever form you follow) and we are all in the boat together, just trying to stay afloat. We are putting one foot in front of the other. 

So what say we let it go, and support each other. I know it has been said a million times, but the Facebook and blog posts slamming each other isn't going to help anyone. No minds will be changed. Support is the only way we will all make it out of this in success. 

Oh Jen, you silly sweater

I know. I am a little obsessed with Jen. It may be wrong, but it feels so right. Almost. It felt really right, until I ran out of yarn at the end of the first sleeve, and went to get the next Hank. And no. The Hank is gone. The Hank has done a lot of traveling with me as of late. I fear that it got tired of traveling, and settled down in some town we passed through. Oh, Jen. My dear Jen. Everyone is against us.
So now all of my sweater selfies have to look like this... What missing sleeve?

This little guy has had a super rough week. It has been a very real, hard week. He had dental surgery Tuesday, and they had to intubate the poor baby. That is painful, and this week has been rough. He ran a fever all week, and just felt icky. We saw his asthma doctor at primary children's this week. He failed his breathing test several times, so they medicate and continued doing it until he could pass it. It took over an hour. He was so frustrated. At times like that, my heart hurts for him. We are seeking a second opinion for immunology as well. Not because we dislike his current Dr, but because we want to start treatments now instead of in a few months after using him as a science experiment. Having his two disorders together is rare. I understand the desire to see more and gather more information. I really do get that. But in the end, the team l treatment plan doesn't change. I don't see a reason to delay it. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Oh Jen, my love

I want you to know how much I love you. I love every stitch, no matter how uneven, or imperfect. (Though I really do hope those even out when we block you) I love your v-neck. It is my favorite neckline I have ever knit. Even though it appears that my center stitch may be a little off. We did it together, you and I. I love the softness of your baby llama. I have a feeling that we will be together a long time, if I finally get your sleeves knit. I am not sure the wife beater looks suits us.
I feel certain that no one will ever need to know that I altered you dramatically on the bottom half of the body. It really was my fault, and I admit that. It was just that I was enjoying our time together so much that I forgot to read the instructions, and assumed I knew best. I see now that I was wrong, and I know that your way is most likely far superior, but this way works well and is unique. It works. Trust me. Next time I will listen more closely to you. Well not on the sleeves. Let's not be too hasty.

I also promise to get better pictures of you. Soon. Very soon. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

The Impulse Buy

I have been waiting to post about this! But I didn't dare, for safety reasons.
My impulse buy was a weekend get away with my honey to Vegas.

We have always planned to go to Hawaii for our twentieth anniversary. It is something we have planned for, well ever.  But in light of recent events, it isn't in the cards. That doesn't make me sad. We really needed a quick escape though. The pressure and stress of the situation is great, and we know it isn't going to get any easier. If we were going to get away, now was the time. Before we start spending all our "free" time at primary children's. So we looked on line, found a steal, and took off. We got flights, hotel, and half our meals for $427. It was well worth it. We woke up early Thursday morning, delivered Taffy's baby, a huge buckling, and jumped on the plane. While we were in the air, Kandy kidded. Of course. But the oldest was here to play catch. She did a great job.
Once in Vegas we napped. A lot. I don't mean that we "napped." We actually slept. We took naps every day, went to bed early, slept in. Relaxed. Breathed. It was zen. We walked the strip, looked through stores, went to Le' Reve, which was amazing. The whole trip was amazing. Things at home were under control as well, which makes it all the sweeter.
Now, picture!
 I knit these socks on the strip. Stripped socks on the strip... That shall be their name.
I ate this little guy.

I Peru much finished the body of this sweater. Just have another inch on the back. 

I wanted to eat this. The whole thing.

Hershey's world was incredible. I had never been three before. Happiness. This area is where you take a bag and buy kisses by the pound . Genius!

 How could anyone look at this and not feel complete joy? Chocolate!
At Le reve. So much fun.

Le reve

And the token sock knitting on the strip photo. 

Monday, January 12, 2015

Meet Bessibelle

We got a cow. Shockingly, this is not the impulse purchases mentioned below. We had been thinking about it, and researching it for a couple of years. Now was the time, so I started looking for a Jersey a few weeks ago, and things just worked out.
Bessie is five, and due to calve in the next week.  The timing was perfect, because we have several goats due to kid, and we raise them on raw cows milk. That gets expensive.. More expensive than buying and maintaining a cow. We also intend to raise her calf for meat. We have big goals to become more and more self reliant. We also intend to use the extra milk from Bessie to drink, make cheese, butter, sour cream, yogurt, ice cream etc.
Meet Bessie.
My daughter has her halter trained already, and my amazing husband set a feeder up just for her. One the goats can't poop in. Yay, best husband ever!!

The minuting is coming along. Slowly. Just switched to the third of for color change . I don't think this week be done by this weekend, and I really wanted to wear it . Maybe I will get a knitting miracle. 

My husband, the amazing one mentioned above, has been making wonderful paleo meals. This is cauliflower mash with a xhicken breast and balsamic reduction drizzle.. Yum. 

These are veggies for an omlet . I thought they were stunnin . Like yarn.. 

Veggies, turkey patty with a little cheese, and salad with the vinaigrette the hubby made. 

This week my daughter also made paleo cookies. To. Die. For.

Friday, January 9, 2015


After the rough delivery this morning I knew things were rough with the doe. I thought she was going to pull through, but tonight she went down and I found that she had a large tear in her uterus. There isn't anything that can be done in that case, so we had to say goodbye. A very sad day here on the farm.

You will be missed beautiful girl!

And so kidding season begins

I am done with my pity party (for now). Had a good cry in my closet, made an impulse purchase (which I will blog about later) and am now ready to put on my big girl panties, and count my blessings.

First blessing?
This little fella made an appearance here on the farm, early this morning. 

And decided that he really enjoyed his new found warmth, cuddled next to the teenage boy. The boy seemed pretty fond of it also.

And I think we are all pretty pleased. He is out of Cleopatra, who is out of Polly. Polly was my first goat, and she was very loved. This is Cleo's first baby. We tried and tried to get her bred, and here we are, four years later. His sire is our gentleman, Jasper. 

The delivery was very rough. She labored throughout the night. Then pushed, and pushed with no success. We found that she had a kid in there that had passed away in the last few days, and was completely swollen. We got this little guy out first, and he is healthy and well. That is a miracle in itself. Then we spent a very long, difficult time delivering the other baby. Mom had a rough time, so I gave her some pain meds and she is resting.

I love to witness new life. I love to be a part of this magical chain. I love that I have a goat in milk again. I will be able to bond with her more deeply over the hours we will spend together this year, milking in or warm barn. I will make cheese, soap, lotion and other amazing products out of the rich milk she gives. 

Life is good. Simple. Day by day. Everything is going to be OK. 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Tonight I left my little boy

While the rest of us went out to do something fun as a family. It was heartbreaking. My world is changing, and I am not sure where to go. 

My son was diagnosed with Alpha 1 deficiency a week ago. He already had primary immunodeficiency, which tests show has gotten much worse.

We found out that my son, my perfect baby, has no immune response. He is fully vaxed (on a delayed schedule) but has no protection because his immune system is so compromised. He has no  titers.

We found that he has no cell memory for previous illness, so if he gets something he can get it over and over. He will never develop immunities. 

We found out that his liiver isn't functioning well, and may fail. He may need a transplant. 

We were told yesterday that because of his fragile state, he is home bound. He can't go to preschool any more. He can't play with his friends. He can't go to iJump, Mcdonalds, Leos playland. He can't go to Walmart. This was hard news. But we were OK. It will be OK. We know it will. 

But not tonight. Tonight reality set in. Today is my beautiful daughter's 18th birthday.  We had a party for her at a local trampoline place. I had to leave him. It hit me. No preschool. He loves preschool. No outings to the park. He loves the park. No friends. No parties. My heart feels a little broken today. My baby could die at any time, easily. Because of that, I can't allow him to truly live.

Mornings can be rough on all of us

You know what helps though? Eighteen year old daughter's, and their amazing friends that bring breakfast in bed because I deserve it for giving birth to such an incredible human. 
Paleo cakes:
 This is the cake that her friend made, because she is one of the most amazing friends a girl can have. She knew Kyra was doing Paleo, so made a paleo cake. Which we failed to get a picture of... But it looked exactly like that. And was so good!!
And this is the cake I got her. The eggs in it are Paleo.
This is the absolutely stunning child I made. Dang, I am good. 

And here she is. Eighteen. 

Now I get to watch and see if the last eighteen years pay off. Legally, my job here is done. It is odd, to be fully in charge one day, and the next is sink or swim. 
I was reminded of several things yesterday. 
She is no longer jail bait. 
She can legally get a license as stripper. 
She can buy all sorts of things that she totally wasn't ready for 24 hours earlier, like ammo, airsoft guns, and aleve sinus. 
I guess I am blessed. Very blessed that I don't feel worried about a thing when it comes to her. She is mature, responsible, and good from her very core. If I got to sit down and design the perfect daughter, she would be it. Her future is so bright I have to wear shades. 

Monday, January 5, 2015

The poor Paleo

Convinced by my best friend, Spudknit, I started researching the paleo life style. Them another friend, Lisa, brought up her clean eating ways a few months later. That legs to this post.
I went Paleo. I am not great at it, but I am working on it. My biggest thing is that I need dairy. So I am paleo, plus dairy. Plus the occasional cheat, I imagine. So far it had been all clean for me though.

I started this journey because I used to be thin. I am not sure I was healthy. I want thin and healthy. Eighteen months ago I was fifty pounds lighter. I went on some medication, and became w balloon. I feel it in my feet, my knees, my back etc. I was never naturally thin. It is something I always had to work at. Now my goal isn't thin. It is healthy. I figured I would share my journey.
Yesterday I made amazing Paleo granola bars. Even my wonderful, yet very picky, husband liked them. They have no grain, or sugar. They are made with nuts, coconut, and honey.
I sent this proud picture to my dear, Paleo Spudknit. She thought maybe it wasn't the most flattering picture. Something about not eating poop?

But still, yum. 

Recipe here:

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Sunday Knitting

I knit in church. And I have yet to be struck down. Amazing, I know. Knitting helps me to focus, feel and truly learn. It allows me inspiration, and let's the spirit in. Just sitting still make me feel like my back is burning, and my skin is crawling off of my body. I need to create. I am not meant to be still. Today's knitting:

Meet "Monica the second" and "Jen" that was frogged and no longer has reverse st sts sleeves. 

Apparently women's names are the project word of the day. 

Friday, January 2, 2015

A day at the in-laws

Is a relaxing day of knitting. Not being home means that I don't feel like I have to constantly be moving. That means I finished the socks.

These were started by a friend, who injured his wrist, so he was not able to finish them. He is a dear friend that helps me frequently, so finishing them was a joy.

I also worked on my Jen.
I am very undecided on these reverse stockinette sleeves. My very best friend, and amazing knitter, Spudknit, said to keep going. That I will love it. I believe her. Of course I would believe that mosquitoes were not evil if she told me. And we all know that they are pure evil.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

I am back!

I have an explanation. I really do. And it is a good one. Not one about how life for busy, and I just couldn't find the time. No, nothing like that. What happened was this... I was betrayed. For real. Betrayed by the phone I love. *insert dramatic pause* While camping shortly after my last post, I may have dropped my phone. Or it may have jumped. I am not willing to give an official statement. In the end though, the screen was scratched a little. Or maybe it was shattered beyond all recognition into a million and two tiny little pieces. I attempted to have it fixed. I am loyal like that. But in the end the repair person laughed at me a little. So I got a new phone. I expected that we would share the same closeness that I shared with the old phone. And we do. Just in a different way. A "the phone is always right" sort of way. Apparently I am the man in this relationship. Well my new friends decided that blogging really wasn't for her. She logged out, and flat refused to log back in. I would say "log out of other account and into blogging account." And she would laugh, and laugh, and laugh. But o fixed her. I un-synced the other account simply so I could be the blogger I want to be. Just don't tell her. Maybe she won't figure it out.

So, while not blogging I knit. A lot. Still not as much as I wanted, but a lot. That means you will be getting a lot of pictures. Or you could just look at my ravelry.

This is one I knit for my mother for Christmas. The "Olympic national Forest. " I am making it "The Family Tree" though.

A shawl for my sister Melanie.
A shawl for me. Love ez pi. 
 And so many more. I am going to have to pace myself. So onto Current projects:

Finishing up these socks for my friend, Benjamin. It is just a very basic, quick sick pattern.
And knitting this sweater for me. 
Pattern: Jen
Yarn: Llama Lace fingering weight
Needle: size 5
See what I did there? Put details for the only one I can remember.