A normal woman looks forward to the big gender reveal ultrasound with hope, joy, and dreams about a pink or blue nursery. They dream about a pink crib set, or that perfect blue lamp.
My big appointment is in 48 hours. I am super excited, and am looking forward to it with hope, joy, and the fulfillment of knowing that I will know the gender if I end up burying this baby before the gender can be easily seen. I will know what my baby was for sure, instead of an indistinct feeling. As silly as it is, this is huge!!!
Everything has been wonderful, and fine as far as the health of the baby. I have had zero signs that this baby will not make it to full term... But seeing as how this is my 19th pregnancy, and I have given birth to 4 live children... Well the math kinda gets me. I keep wondering when this will feel real, and when I will allow myself to believe that I am actually having a baby. A live, healthy baby that I will get to bring home. I have yet to allow myself to glance at the baby section. I own exactly nothing for this baby. I didn't even keep a single onsie after my last since we were "done." I wonder when I will jump in and make that first baby purchase.
Maybe after Monday. Maybe.