Oh Jen, you silly sweater

I know. I am a little obsessed with Jen. It may be wrong, but it feels so right. Almost. It felt really right, until I ran out of yarn at the end of the first sleeve, and went to get the next Hank. And no. The Hank is gone. The Hank has done a lot of traveling with me as of late. I fear that it got tired of traveling, and settled down in some town we passed through. Oh, Jen. My dear Jen. Everyone is against us.

So now all of my sweater selfies have to look like this... What missing sleeve?

This little guy has had a super rough week. It has been a very real, hard week. He had dental surgery Tuesday, and they had to intubate the poor baby. That is painful, and this week has been rough. He ran a fever all week, and just felt icky. We saw his asthma doctor at primary children's this week. He failed his breathing test several times, so they medicate and continued doing it until he could pass it. It took over an hour. He was so frustrated. At times like that, my heart hurts for him. We are seeking a second opinion for immunology as well. Not because we dislike his current Dr, but because we want to start treatments now instead of in a few months after using him as a science experiment. Having his two disorders together is rare. I understand the desire to see more and gather more information. I really do get that. But in the end, the team l treatment plan doesn't change. I don't see a reason to delay it. 

Oh Jen, my love

I want you to know how much I love you. I love every stitch, no matter how uneven, or imperfect. (Though I really do hope those even out when we block you) I love your v-neck. It is my favorite neckline I have ever knit. Even though it appears that my center stitch may be a little off. We did it together, you and I. I love the softness of your baby llama. I have a feeling that we will be together a long time, if I finally get your sleeves knit. I am not sure the wife beater looks suits us.
I feel certain that no one will ever need to know that I altered you dramatically on the bottom half of the body. It really was my fault, and I admit that. It was just that I was enjoying our time together so much that I forgot to read the instructions, and assumed I knew best. I see now that I was wrong, and I know that your way is most likely far superior, but this way works well and is unique. It works. Trust me. Next time I will listen more closely to you. Well not on the sleeves. Let's not be too hasty.
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/jen-3jen-3

I also promise to get better pictures of you. Soon. Very soon. 

The Impulse Buy

I have been waiting to post about this! But I didn't dare, for safety reasons.
My impulse buy was a weekend get away with my honey to Vegas.

We have always planned to go to Hawaii for our twentieth anniversary. It is something we have planned for, well ever.  But in light of recent events, it isn't in the cards. That doesn't make me sad. We really needed a quick escape though. The pressure and stress of the situation is great, and we know it isn't going to get any easier. If we were going to get away, now was the time. Before we start spending all our "free" time at primary children's. So we looked on line, found a steal, and took off. We got flights, hotel, and half our meals for $427. It was well worth it. We woke up early Thursday morning, delivered Taffy's baby, a huge buckling, and jumped on the plane. While we were in the air, Kandy kidded. Of course. But the oldest was here to play catch. She did a great job.
Once in Vegas we napped. A lot. I don't mean that we "napped." We actually slept. We took naps every day, went to bed early, slept in. Relaxed. Breathed. It was zen. We walked the strip, looked through stores, went to Le' Reve, which was amazing. The whole trip was amazing. Things at home were under control as well, which makes it all the sweeter.
Now, picture!

 I knit these socks on the strip. Stripped socks on the strip... That shall be their name.

I ate this little guy.

I Peru much finished the body of this sweater. Just have another inch on the back. 

I wanted to eat this. The whole thing.

Hershey's world was incredible. I had never been three before. Happiness. This area is where you take a bag and buy kisses by the pound . Genius!

 How could anyone look at this and not feel complete joy? Chocolate!

At Le reve. So much fun.

Le reve

And the token sock knitting on the strip photo. 

Meet Bessibelle

We got a cow. Shockingly, this is not the impulse purchases mentioned below. We had been thinking about it, and researching it for a couple of years. Now was the time, so I started looking for a Jersey a few weeks ago, and things just worked out.
Bessie is five, and due to calve in the next week.  The timing was perfect, because we have several goats due to kid, and we raise them on raw cows milk. That gets expensive.. More expensive than buying and maintaining a cow. We also intend to raise her calf for meat. We have big goals to become more and more self reliant. We also intend to use the extra milk from Bessie to drink, make cheese, butter, sour cream, yogurt, ice cream etc.

Meet Bessie.

My daughter has her halter trained already, and my amazing husband set a feeder up just for her. One the goats can't poop in. Yay, best husband ever!!

The minuting is coming along. Slowly. Just switched to the third of for color change . I don't think this week be done by this weekend, and I really wanted to wear it . Maybe I will get a knitting miracle. 

My husband, the amazing one mentioned above, has been making wonderful paleo meals. This is cauliflower mash with a xhicken breast and balsamic reduction drizzle.. Yum. 

These are veggies for an omlet . I thought they were stunnin . Like yarn.. 

Veggies, turkey patty with a little cheese, and salad with the vinaigrette the hubby made. 

This week my daughter also made paleo cookies. To. Die. For.

Cleo

After the rough delivery this morning I knew things were rough with the doe. I thought she was going to pull through, but tonight she went down and I found that she had a large tear in her uterus. There isn't anything that can be done in that case, so we had to say goodbye. A very sad day here on the farm.

You will be missed beautiful girl!

And so kidding season begins

I am done with my pity party (for now). Had a good cry in my closet, made an impulse purchase (which I will blog about later) and am now ready to put on my big girl panties, and count my blessings.

First blessing?

This little fella made an appearance here on the farm, early this morning. 

And decided that he really enjoyed his new found warmth, cuddled next to the teenage boy. The boy seemed pretty fond of it also.

And I think we are all pretty pleased. He is out of Cleopatra, who is out of Polly. Polly was my first goat, and she was very loved. This is Cleo's first baby. We tried and tried to get her bred, and here we are, four years later. His sire is our gentleman, Jasper. 

The delivery was very rough. She labored throughout the night. Then pushed, and pushed with no success. We found that she had a kid in there that had passed away in the last few days, and was completely swollen. We got this little guy out first, and he is healthy and well. That is a miracle in itself. Then we spent a very long, difficult time delivering the other baby. Mom had a rough time, so I gave her some pain meds and she is resting.

I love to witness new life. I love to be a part of this magical chain. I love that I have a goat in milk again. I will be able to bond with her more deeply over the hours we will spend together this year, milking in or warm barn. I will make cheese, soap, lotion and other amazing products out of the rich milk she gives. 

Life is good. Simple. Day by day. Everything is going to be OK. 

Tonight I left my little boy

While the rest of us went out to do something fun as a family. It was heartbreaking. My world is changing, and I am not sure where to go. 

My son was diagnosed with Alpha 1 deficiency a week ago. He already had primary immunodeficiency, which tests show has gotten much worse.

We found out that my son, my perfect baby, has no immune response. He is fully vaxed (on a delayed schedule) but has no protection because his immune system is so compromised. He has no  titers.

We found that he has no cell memory for previous illness, so if he gets something he can get it over and over. He will never develop immunities. 

We found out that his liiver isn't functioning well, and may fail. He may need a transplant. 

We were told yesterday that because of his fragile state, he is home bound. He can't go to preschool any more. He can't play with his friends. He can't go to iJump, Mcdonalds, Leos playland. He can't go to Walmart. This was hard news. But we were OK. It will be OK. We know it will. 

But not tonight. Tonight reality set in. Today is my beautiful daughter's 18th birthday.  We had a party for her at a local trampoline place. I had to leave him. It hit me. No preschool. He loves preschool. No outings to the park. He loves the park. No friends. No parties. My heart feels a little broken today. My baby could die at any time, easily. Because of that, I can't allow him to truly live.